The Truth About Healing: It's Not Linear

For the longest time, I felt harshly judged by those who knew me and my story. I'd do really well for quite a while and then I'd sink into a deep depression or get triggered and overreact to something. And I knew they were thinking, 'Look at that—she's still bat-shit crazy.' Here's the thing. Healing doesn't happen in a straight line.

Some days you'll feel whole, and others you'll feel broken all over again. That's not failure—that's healing.

What they failed to give me credit for is that those kinds of episodes used to happen on a monthly basis. I'd gone an entire year before having an "episode." That's what growth looks like, my friend.

The healing process works like this. You'll experience epiphanies that set you free. You'll release a painful memory with a deep soul cleansing, also called a good cry. You'll make progress and you'll feel good about it.

Then one day, someone at work will say something to you in just the right tone, with words that trigger a shame storm from Hell. You'll go home from work, upset but not really in touch with what's happening inside you. You'll bite your husband's head off and the kids will head to their room and the dog will hide for cover. On top of that, you'll beat yourself up because you let that idiot get under your skin.

When you're doing the work, an experience like this can make you feel like you've backslidden (as they used to say in the Pentecostal church). You haven't at all. You just hit a bump in the road on the path to healing.

This is when you take accountability for any unkind or unloving behaviors that occurred. You spend some time alone, maybe write in your journal, and you process what was said that triggered you—and you have an aha moment.

The goal is not perfection. The goal is to be present. The goal is self-awareness, self-accountability, self-compassion, and self-forgiveness.

As you grow, these kinds of events take you by surprise less and less. But I can't tell you that you will ever get to a place where they never happen. You're still human. Life never stops happening.

But you will get to a place where you realize that no matter what happens, you've got the tools to resolve it.

If you recognized yourself in this writing, you're not alone. And I wrote The Quiet Path Home to help guide you through the bat-shit crazy to wholeness. It's the book I wish I'd had when I was triggered so I could have felt better about the healing journey.

Want more support on your healing journey? My book, The Quiet Path Home, offers guidance, practices, and encouragement for every step of the way.